The Monster Mash

Thanks to Daylight Savings, I have now turned into the Puffy-Eyed Sleepless Monster.

This transformation generally occurs by the light of the full moon...or within several days of an assignment deadline or exam.

The temper of the Puffy-Eyed Sleepless Monster knows no bounds. It will snap at anything that comes within fifteen feet. It will stalk to the pantry and ransack what meagre vittles it finds. It hisses and snarls darkly over sheets of looseleaf and heavy textbooks, and will be likely to attack if the words 'liquidiated damages' or 'natural law' are uttered within earshot.

The Puffy-Eyed Sleepless Monster has a menacing appearance that is often frightening to young children. The most common form sports hideous cotton Big W pyjamas with an unkempt, unbrushed mane of hair, and is characterised by large, dark shadows that hang under the beast's puffy eyes. It has sharp, unmanicured nails and a high-pitched, klaxon-like wailing voice (which rises in pitch and frequency depending on the proximity of exams).

If you are confronted by this fearsome beast, it is better to back away slowly, avoiding eye contact. The Puffy-Eyed Sleepless Monster loathes bright sunshine and equally bright, happy people (however, if you smile winningly at the beast it may be stirred into a furious rage and rip your throat out.)

If you are cornered by the Monster, it may be less likely to attack if offered a strong pot of coffee (with a big dash of milk. And one heaped teaspoon of sugar.) Generally, it is simply best to avoid the beast in its natural habitat. It prefers to reside in self-imposed exile in a private room, where its terrible wailing cry cannot be heard.

If in doubt, simply offer the Puffy-Eyed Sleepless Monster a hug.

After all, there is a human being underneath.

Somewhere.