Are You Still Having Fun?

I just failed Property Law.

I think I'm still in shock. That's another $1200 I need to raise to pay for it, it's another semester tacked on to an already lengthy degree, it means I can't qualify for two of my chosen electives next year and most of all, I was pretty sure I'd done okay. I wasn't expecting a particularly good mark but I thought that I had at least passed.

I'm still in a kind of shock. I've just been too tired to be bothered crying over it, and my self-esteem was already at quite a low so I don't think anything can really drag it down further. Luckily, I was out with friends last night when results came through and I refused to look at my SMS results until I'd had at least three standard drinks. So when I actually did look at my phone I spent the rest of the night downing even more alcohol in an attempt to cope with it.

And hey, it helped...in a head-pounding kind of way.

See, I deserved to fail Torts. I did nothing for that subject, I skipped almost all my classes. Conversely, I went to almost every single one of Property, did all my readings, took copious notes. Yet I passed Torts and failed Property. Not sure how that works, but there you go. Life is cruel. Crueeeeel.

I suppose the shock of it will hit me later, and I suppose the inevitable bout of tears will hit me at some point...probably when I've been given the 50th conciliatory sympathy speech, because I actually feel strangely calm.

But a big part of this goes to my friend Kris, who was just so wonderful about the whole thing and knew exactly what to do to make me feel better. Besides making me down a few buckets of water to balance out the alcohol, she went out in the morning and got me a Sausage and Egg McMuffin, a hash brown, and what has to be one of the best coffees I've had in ages.

(Dude, you're the bestest.)

So...time to get on with it. I think I might actually do that Honours year in English now, if just to take a break from the horror that is law school.

And if I guess I had to repeat a subject, I'd rather it be Property Law because I did actually quite enjoy it, failure or no failure.

But if anything ever mentions the word 'caveat' within my earshot they will get brutally stabbed with a pen.

*Insert Witty Burn-Related Song Title Here*

For the first time in a very very very long time, I have a rather prominent swathe of sunburn on my back.

And of course, ths WOULD be at the start of summer- when 80% of what I wear consists of backless tops or dresses.

My skin is already quite dark, so it takes sunburn a little differently. There's no prominent red patches or anything, it just turns incredibly, incredibly dark.

Today at the gym, my friend exclaimed with a gasp, "Your back...did you get sunburn? It's like chocolate."

(When I said I wanted to be cool and black, this is not what I envisioned.)

However, as I pointed out rather ruefully to my mother, the one bright spot is that the sunburn has actually spread itself out across my back in what I think looks like a kick-ass Phoenix pattern. Jean Grey, eat your heart out.

I actually got the sunburn two weeks ago at the races on Oaks Day. I didn't even realise that I got burnt until the day afterwards when I glanced in the mirror after my shower and went, "Oooh boy." The little dip between the Phoenix wings, so to speak, is where I slapped on some sunscreen with my palm. Proving that sunscreen really does work.

My back currently looks angry. And peeling slightly. I have a party on Friday night so I'm hoping that the mottled did-you-just-melt-the-milk-into-the-dark-chocolate look sort of fades a bit by then. If not I'll just have to wear my hair down and hope for coverage of some sort.

Let this be a lesson both in vanity and sun safety.

Slip, slop, slap.

Therapeuticness

Yesterday I decided to get a massage.

Fifteen weeks of hunching over a computer, study, stress and sitting cross-legged on my bed with an XBox controller have not helped my back muscles any.

I decided to try an Eastern health clinic, just for something different. One of those places which does acupuncture and stuff like that.

Of course, being an Eastern health clinic, they don't really speak English.

So I started reading the signs out the front, and within five seconds I had encountered what I call the 'Hopeful Asian Expression' sales tactic. It simply consists of an Asian person standing in front of you with a hopeful 'you buy?' expression of his/her face.

And dammit if it doesn't work a charm every time. (I should try that in my own sales pitches.)

The Hopeful Asian Man had already pushed a brochure into my hands so I chose a neck, shoulder and head massage for 35 minutes. The place was very professional and had the cool weirdo beds and curtains and stuff, but I had one of those "Gee, I wish I spoke my ancestors' mother-tongue" moments when the two guys started going a mile a minute in Mandarin. It's sort of awkward standing there when all you can hear is a rapid-fire mix of something that sounds only vaguely like "Nizhixinwoyoumeibuzhi...ahhhh...."

Then they showed me to a cubicle and pulled the curtains shut with absolutely no instructions.

So I stood there for a moment, not exactly sure what to do. I assumed I was meant to get undressed, except was it just my top? Could I leave my jeans on? What about my bra?

No information was forthcoming.

However, I heard an equally bemused voice from next door call out, "I've never done this before...what do I need to do?" This was followed by a brief, "Take top off," so I followed suit and shucked my shirt into the plastic bucket.

The guy came in and said something mostly unintelligible, so I said, "Pardon?" and he repeated, "I give you little bit extra," and at this I said, "PARDON?!" and he explained, "Other masseuse running late so I give you more time."

(Phew.)

Anyway, I'm still not sure whether I like massages or not. They tend to be therapeutic rather than relaxing, and I can safely say that the Western ones hurt- the last one I went to was actually quite painful and the one I had at the physiotherapist left my skin raw. The Chinese one that I had today was actually not too bad. The 'little bit extra' that I got was an extra ten minutes- not anything else suspicious thank you very much- and they threw in a back massage as well as neck, shoulders and head.

I could definitely have done without the butt-kneading (what the hell that was about I will never know) but it was okay, although I ended up smelling suspiciously of weird Chinese massage oil for the rest of the day.

I think that's enough of a foray into alternative therapies for me.

The Election Post

Welcome to my obligatory post on the U.S election.

Judging by the number of jubilant Facebook status updates mentioning either 'Obama' or 'yes we can!' I figured it was the topic du jour so I might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Unfortunately, I'm like the yokel who's just clambered onto the bandwagon only to realise that it's full of intelligent people in suits tapping on their iPhones while I'm holding my pitchfork. In fact, sort of like Sarah Palin dipping her moose-killing toes in the big great ocean of world politics...ouch, that was wee bit harsh.

If you asked a normal person why they were supporting Obama, they'd probably tell you that the man represents hope. He represents change. He's breaking down barriers and taking one huge step forward for the civil rights movement and African-American citizens everywhere.

However, if you asked me...I'd have to be honest and tell you that I'm supporting Obama because he's cool and black and he likes Jay-Z. Plus his stepfather is Indonesian and he used to live in Jakarta...so he's cool and black with Asian ties. And for me, this is HOPE that this goes both ways...perhaps I can be Asian with cool and black connections! Hope is not lost in my quest to be cool and black!

Furthermore, John McCain can't use a computer properly. And if you're going to be leader of one of the most important countries in the world, you sure as hell should be able to open your Hotmail without a community volunteer gently guiding the mouse over your shoulder.

So.

If you were looking for an insightful view into the U.S election...this ain't it.

But whether you love him or- well, like him because nobody seems to actually hate Obama- just be happy that the citizens United States of America have elected a President that isn't a pretzel-challenged dimwit.

Is they learning?

Yes.