X, Y and Z

Men were deceivers ever,

One foot in sea, and one on shore...

To one thing constant never...



...the fraud of men was ever so,

Since summer first was leavy.



Damn right.


Kris and Rosy have posted recently on the contentious subject that is the human male. (Excellent posts which I encourage you to read!) Now, you get my vitriolic tirade...

So I have this friend. Let us call him...X.

X and I met in the first few weeks of uni and struck up a friendship over the course of the semester. X and I don't actually have much in common but that's OK- we had a fairly good, and may I stress, platonic friendship. (X, thankfully, will never read this in a million years but I am covering my ass here by using initials just in case).

Everything was fine. Until a couple of weeks into Semester Two. Suddenly, we stopped talking to each other in classes- either he stopped talking to me, or I stopped talking to him, but something just changed. And now, he pretty much will not even look at me or say hello. Bastard.

I was wondering vaguely if it was something I had done (I'm not the brightest spark on campus, I tend to fall asleep and generally look like a grumpy, drugged-up zombie) or maybe something he had done (could not think of anything). Then I noticed that he was completely and utterly ignoring me, yet taking up with the blonder, more gorgeous girls in my class.

As my Contracts lecturer would say, "Hmmmm."

Then, "Mmmm."

(Then "Mmmmm...." again for good measure, just in case we hadn't figured out that "mmmm" was his 'I-am-thinking-very-deeply noise).

So.

Suddenly he's turned into Mr Charming (around other people at least) and now our friendship, which I thought was relatively solid, does not exist. The twig snapped today when I noticed that he didn't even acknowledge my existence. Fine.

Go chase your little girlfriends...you....little girlfriend chaser.

Moral of the story: Men are fickle and cannot be trusted. Bastard.

Onto the second event of my day which forced me into blogging this:

I sat next to the most incredibly hot specimen of human male today (in my humble opinion).

This was BAD.

Very, very bad.

I cannot quite express just how hot aforementioned human male is. It kind of doesn't help that I've been perving on him with somewhat objective detachment all year (DAMN YOU LAW FACULTY!!!) and you know what? It's ten times worse when said hotness is sitting next to you.

For a damn hour.

Mr Cuteness-Personified was so damn gorgeous that I thought my heart would crawl up my throat, push past my mouth, and flop dramatically onto the carpet in front of him. (Then grow little legs and with a big puppy dog eye in each ventricle and go, "I wuv you.")

AAAARGH.

Again, for anonymity's sake I will call him...Y.

Anyhow, I vaguely know Y enough to speak politely, except the conversation pretty much died after four lines, possibly when my heart did try to crawl up my throat and I submitted to merely a polite gargle.

Ask me how my weekend was sometime. I'm sure it'll be more than "GAAAAAAH?"

Sigh.

And worst of all, sitting with a particularly hot person within a one metre radius is terribly disarming for your learning. I can't remember anything important from that lesson, except that Y dresses really well. It was pretty bad- I wanted to either stand up and shake him for being so "impossibly, ridiculously good-looking" or jump him.

Neither of which would have been very subtle.

And of course, he is also a bit of a ladies' man and so not my type it is not funny. Plus, I've found that repeating the mantra He has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend does not work. Leaving the tute and banging your head repeatedly against a wall in the hope that you wil bang some common sense into yourself does.

So there you have it.

I had a friend called X.

I will probably have to wear a blindfold around Y.

And I still have to find a way to kindly explain to...eh, let's call him Z...that being friends is all I want to be.

Sigh no more ladies, sigh no more,
May be you blithe, and bonny,
And turn your tales of woe,
Into hey, nonny nonny.

Yes. Let's do that.

(N.B- considering I only have two female readers, this is probably unwarranted- but if you are a male, please note that for the most part, I think y'all are 'just swell'*.)

*(Nice to see that Year 12 English still hasn't left me)