You Might Be in Law School If...

To help combat my current bout of law-school-induced depression, I visited one of my Facebook groups, "You Might Be in Law School If..."

I almost cried at the painful accuracy of this list. And I felt slightly better.

Kris, I dedicate this post to you. Even though I have unashamedly ripped it off Facebook:

You know you're in Law School if...

You know all sorts of sneaky and creative ways to steal from clients thanks to your Professionalism and Ethics class.

You consider dropping out of law school approximately every hour, but after that first semester you realized you were already in too much debt to be anything other than a lawyer.

You aspire to one day own Blackacre.

Substance abuse becomes you.

The drama in your life now rivals that of high school.

You make adverse possession jokes.

You can name without hesitation at least three people who make you want to throw things when you see them raise their hands in class.

You think IRAC and CREAC are just code for saying the same thing over and over.

You are truly and deeply unnerved by the thought of some of your classmates becoming attorneys.

You think tequila shots are essential to ordered liberty.

You wonder if that one professor who always seems angry and irritable and treats students’ minds as his personal playground is actually a sociopath or just didn’t get enough hugs as a child.

Sometimes during disagreements you are tempted to 12(b)(6) the offending friend or family member.

You know and understand the complicated epistemological and metaphysical differences between a conspirator and an accomplice.

You know and understand the complicated epistemological and metaphysical differences between coffee and red bull.

You can’t remember if you decided to come to law school because you wanted to help people and make a difference in the world or because you hate yourself.

You think whoever first introduced the Socratic method into the law school curriculum should have his face lit on fire and then beaten out with a rake.

You can’t think of any legitimate reason why a law student would need access to certain public records, but you can think of a whole lot of illegitimate ones.

After the first semester you realized that “briefing a case” need only consist of looking it up on Lexis or Westlaw.

You’ve given yourself carpal tunnel from all the spider solitaire you play in class.

When someone is expressing their frustration or anger about something that is in any way related to the law, you can’t be sympathetic because you’re too busy figuring out in your head if they have a cause of action.

You hear about the death of an elderly friend or relative and wonder if they died intestate.

You have considered changing career paths to hot dog vendor, stilt walker, or career alcoholic.You're pretty sure the reasonable prudent man is a friendless tool who still lives with his mother.

...

You may not be surprised to know that I also joined the Facebook group, "I've Thought About Dropping Out Of Law School At Least Ten Times Today."