From ninemsn.com.au:
"According to tabloid reports, Top Gun star Tom Cruise is planning to build a $10 million bunker underneath his Colorado mansion as a precaution against an alleged intergalactic ruler called Xenu who, Cruise believes, will attack Earth."
...?
?
?!
It's time that someone sat him down and calmly explained to him that his role in War of the Worlds wasn't actually real.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm stuck in the middle of an appalling 'Fault Analysis' for my Grammar course. I'm knee deep in dangling modifiers, split infinitives and subjunctive verb clauses- but I still require five more errors to analyse.
So tell me- should that comma stuck between 'who' and 'Cruise' be placed after 'Xenu' instead? It looks rather clumsy in its current position and it's giving me a headache...
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Meltdown in 3, 2, 1...
I was waiting in the Post Office queue today when I saw this little toy called the 'Stress-O-Meter'. All you had to do was put two fingers on the little metal pads and it would tell you how stressed out you were. Supposedly.
I was actually feeling fairly calm, but when I put my fingers on it, it gave a little beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
And the light flickered to "MELTDOWN'.
Stupid little piece of plastic.
Then I remembered that I had a 1,500 word essay due in less than seven days. Which I have not started. And that not listening to thirteen weeks worth of law kinda sucks when it comes to the exam. And despite thirteen weeks of Grammar instruction I still don't know what a split infinitive is. And that maybe, just maybe, I was leaving this all a little too late and I would have to repeat another terrible horrendous semester of pure legal theory- a truly painful unit that is even better than Valium as a sedative.
I know this because I stopped staying awake after Week Three.
(That was also the class in which I lost the contact lens from my right eye- it slipped out while I was yawning. )
DOES THIS NOT TELL YOU SOMETHING?!
On the other hand, I got called back for a group interview- for the teaching position described here (if you've read that post you'll know that it's a bloody miracle I got called back at all.) The bad news is that it requires you to be free on a LOT of days for observation and training if you get past the group stage...not to mention the audition, but I doubt it'll get that far. And I have an EXAM on the observation training day.
I wonder if there's a level above 'Meltdown'?
I was actually feeling fairly calm, but when I put my fingers on it, it gave a little beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
And the light flickered to "MELTDOWN'.
Stupid little piece of plastic.
Then I remembered that I had a 1,500 word essay due in less than seven days. Which I have not started. And that not listening to thirteen weeks worth of law kinda sucks when it comes to the exam. And despite thirteen weeks of Grammar instruction I still don't know what a split infinitive is. And that maybe, just maybe, I was leaving this all a little too late and I would have to repeat another terrible horrendous semester of pure legal theory- a truly painful unit that is even better than Valium as a sedative.
I know this because I stopped staying awake after Week Three.
(That was also the class in which I lost the contact lens from my right eye- it slipped out while I was yawning. )
DOES THIS NOT TELL YOU SOMETHING?!
On the other hand, I got called back for a group interview- for the teaching position described here (if you've read that post you'll know that it's a bloody miracle I got called back at all.) The bad news is that it requires you to be free on a LOT of days for observation and training if you get past the group stage...not to mention the audition, but I doubt it'll get that far. And I have an EXAM on the observation training day.
I wonder if there's a level above 'Meltdown'?
Thursday, October 11, 2007
School Reunion
I'm going to my school reunion tomorrow night.
Except it's not really MY school reunion...I only went to that school for one year when I was fourteen, and 80% of the people in my year level were just plain jerks.
So why am I going?
Curiosity, mostly. This is going to be irredeemably awkward. However, I'm braving it with my lovely friend Sarah (who managed to put up with me for that one year of schooling) and we've made a pact to escape the reunion and find a good ice-cream parlour if it gets too boring. I'm sorta hoping that it does turn out to be dull, as I could really use some kind of hazelnut chocolate gelati in my life right now.
Also, I get to blog about it later on, and you can all enjoy the vicarious schadenfreude associated with such traumatic school events :P
Except it's not really MY school reunion...I only went to that school for one year when I was fourteen, and 80% of the people in my year level were just plain jerks.
So why am I going?
Curiosity, mostly. This is going to be irredeemably awkward. However, I'm braving it with my lovely friend Sarah (who managed to put up with me for that one year of schooling) and we've made a pact to escape the reunion and find a good ice-cream parlour if it gets too boring. I'm sorta hoping that it does turn out to be dull, as I could really use some kind of hazelnut chocolate gelati in my life right now.
Also, I get to blog about it later on, and you can all enjoy the vicarious schadenfreude associated with such traumatic school events :P
Monday, October 8, 2007
And so it continues...
Mother (after I arrived home one hour later than expected): Where have you been?
Me: I-
Mother (looking searchingly into my face): Ooh, maybe you have a secret boyfriend? Hmm? That's why you're late?
(Gives me hopeful...read 'hopeful' as 'desperate'...stare)
Me: Mum...we had another hour lecture on feminism in the law. That's why I was late.
Mother: Oh.
I get the funny feeling that my mother is getting a little bit desperate. Just a little bit...
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Worst. Job. Interview. Ever.
Life is a joke.
Seriously.
If you can't take a look at yourself every once in a while and just laugh at your own stupidity, it can get rather dull. As Pablo Neruda once observed, "Laughter is the language of the soul," and a sense of humour is like the little pin that can keep our own inflated pride in check.
There are so many hilarious moments in life that we need to appreciate- the pure slapstick when someone trips over or whacks into something, the communal groan upon the reception of terrible joke, the shriek of laughter that accompanies an outrageous comment or an unexpected confession. The random giggling in the dark at sleepovers, or the hysterical bouts of laughter where you think your heart's going to jump out of your chest because you can't stop shaking.
You see, I applied for this job today. I'm not going to say what it was for obvious reasons, but it was to do with teaching, and I really, really wanted this position. I fixed up the cover letter and the CV last night, and this afternoon I sent off an e-mail to the company fifteen minutes before I was going to leave.
What I wasn't expecting was for the aforementioned company to ring me about eight minutes after I'd sent the e-mail.
Seriously, who does that?!
At the time of the call, I was getting changed in my room. When the phone rang, I snatched it off my crumpled bedspread and answered it.
Ah. A phone interview!
The phone line on her end was bad. Exceptionally bad. It sounded like that garbled radio transmission sampled in Transformers, except instead of telling me her encrypted plans to destroy the Earth, she was asking me about my teaching experience.
"Uh...."
(I don't have teaching experience.)
"Well...I've done some tutoring..." (This was a grand total of three times before they realised that I wasn't teaching their child anything useful, I was just cynically and bitterly ranting on about the idiocy of teenage love for two hours and blaming dear old Friar Lawrence for everything that went wrong in Romeo and Juliet)
"...and I've taken a few classes at my old school..." (Grand total of ONE. And it was such a debacle that they never asked me to do it again. Not my fault if none of the kids READ THE DAMN BOOK BEFORE I TOOK THE CLASS.)
So I was trying desperately to hear this woman on this terrible scratchy phone line, and halfway through the interview I suddenly realised that I was talking to this lovely lady whilst I was had no clothes on.
I had to laugh. I was hopping up and down on one foot trying to find a clean shirt, conducting a civilised phone interview with a lovely lady on the other end. It was a very pleasant and polite conversation, and I was just thinking to myself, "If she could see me now.."
And during this realisation, my father started yelling up the stairs that I was going to be late.
And then he used the intercom (LOUDLY) while I was still trying to hear the interviewer on the phone.
I couldn't tell my dad that I was on the phone, and considering my state of undress I couldn't actually run down and provide a series of furious hand signals to show this. Furthermore, one hand was clamped over my mobile and I was still hopping up and down mentally shrieking "Where the fuck are my jeans?!". Whilst she was asking about availability, I was scrabbling under my bed for aforesaid jeans, and digging through a giant pile of clothes. Unfortunately, this carefully balanced pile happened to topple right off the chair.
"So why did you apply for this position?"
"Well...I love kids..."
(Damn, no socks...)
"...and I like teaching..."
(Where's that shirt?! Wheeeeeeeere?!!!!)
"YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE AGAIN!"
Aaaaaaarggghhhh....
It was rather disastrous interview. She actually gave me the 'let-down' speech before the formal notification next week- "We've got 80-100 applications...and we're only accepting about 6-8 teachers."
Yay.
It's a pity, because it was something I really wanted to do. But even though I was disappointed, I couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing afterwards.
It was just so ridiculous.
Looks like I'm stuck selling remote control cars over Christmas.
Seriously.
If you can't take a look at yourself every once in a while and just laugh at your own stupidity, it can get rather dull. As Pablo Neruda once observed, "Laughter is the language of the soul," and a sense of humour is like the little pin that can keep our own inflated pride in check.
There are so many hilarious moments in life that we need to appreciate- the pure slapstick when someone trips over or whacks into something, the communal groan upon the reception of terrible joke, the shriek of laughter that accompanies an outrageous comment or an unexpected confession. The random giggling in the dark at sleepovers, or the hysterical bouts of laughter where you think your heart's going to jump out of your chest because you can't stop shaking.
You see, I applied for this job today. I'm not going to say what it was for obvious reasons, but it was to do with teaching, and I really, really wanted this position. I fixed up the cover letter and the CV last night, and this afternoon I sent off an e-mail to the company fifteen minutes before I was going to leave.
What I wasn't expecting was for the aforementioned company to ring me about eight minutes after I'd sent the e-mail.
Seriously, who does that?!
At the time of the call, I was getting changed in my room. When the phone rang, I snatched it off my crumpled bedspread and answered it.
Ah. A phone interview!
The phone line on her end was bad. Exceptionally bad. It sounded like that garbled radio transmission sampled in Transformers, except instead of telling me her encrypted plans to destroy the Earth, she was asking me about my teaching experience.
"Uh...."
(I don't have teaching experience.)
"Well...I've done some tutoring..." (This was a grand total of three times before they realised that I wasn't teaching their child anything useful, I was just cynically and bitterly ranting on about the idiocy of teenage love for two hours and blaming dear old Friar Lawrence for everything that went wrong in Romeo and Juliet)
"...and I've taken a few classes at my old school..." (Grand total of ONE. And it was such a debacle that they never asked me to do it again. Not my fault if none of the kids READ THE DAMN BOOK BEFORE I TOOK THE CLASS.)
So I was trying desperately to hear this woman on this terrible scratchy phone line, and halfway through the interview I suddenly realised that I was talking to this lovely lady whilst I was had no clothes on.
I had to laugh. I was hopping up and down on one foot trying to find a clean shirt, conducting a civilised phone interview with a lovely lady on the other end. It was a very pleasant and polite conversation, and I was just thinking to myself, "If she could see me now.."
And during this realisation, my father started yelling up the stairs that I was going to be late.
And then he used the intercom (LOUDLY) while I was still trying to hear the interviewer on the phone.
I couldn't tell my dad that I was on the phone, and considering my state of undress I couldn't actually run down and provide a series of furious hand signals to show this. Furthermore, one hand was clamped over my mobile and I was still hopping up and down mentally shrieking "Where the fuck are my jeans?!". Whilst she was asking about availability, I was scrabbling under my bed for aforesaid jeans, and digging through a giant pile of clothes. Unfortunately, this carefully balanced pile happened to topple right off the chair.
"So why did you apply for this position?"
"Well...I love kids..."
(Damn, no socks...)
"...and I like teaching..."
(Where's that shirt?! Wheeeeeeeere?!!!!)
"YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE AGAIN!"
Aaaaaaarggghhhh....
It was rather disastrous interview. She actually gave me the 'let-down' speech before the formal notification next week- "We've got 80-100 applications...and we're only accepting about 6-8 teachers."
Yay.
It's a pity, because it was something I really wanted to do. But even though I was disappointed, I couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing afterwards.
It was just so ridiculous.
Looks like I'm stuck selling remote control cars over Christmas.
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